


Second Best

by subiteveneinorem



Series: Shuffle 'verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas/Dean Unrequited Love, Implied Incest, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-12
Updated: 2012-03-12
Packaged: 2017-11-01 20:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subiteveneinorem/pseuds/subiteveneinorem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve been with him,” Castiel picks at the damp label of his bottle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Best

**Author's Note:**

> A snippet from my unfinished nanowrimo 2011 project.

It’s during one of their meetings that Cas asks about it. Well, more like states the fact, really. They’re sitting in Cas’ hotel room, beer in hand, research for the newest case on hold - library doesn’t open until 9am - watching morning infomercials. Sam is reaching for the remote when—

“You’ve been with him,” Castiel picks at the damp label of his bottle.

Sam grabs the remote and sinks back into the couch. There’s a loose spring under his left thigh. It hasn’t come through yet, but the bump is big enough to be annoying. “I’m with him almost all the time, Cas,” he grunts, trying to find that perfect position from seconds ago.

“No, Sam,” the former angel rips off the stray bit of paper and rolls it into a small ball in his fingers. “You’ve _been with him_.”

Sam freezes, spring forgotten. The guy on TV explains how a set of pots changed his life.

“Um.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel flicks the paper ball under the table and starts making a new one. “I’ve always known.”

And how is Sam supposed to answer to that? ‘Glad you didn’t smite us when you found out’? He stares at the floor, watches a second ball join the first.

“We haven’t,” he says in the end, “Not since Lucifer.” They were close once - well, Dean and his soulless self - but then the whole Veritas case cropped up.

Sam is glad that nothing happened. He’s not sure he could live with that. He’s done enough shit in those months that the nightmares are almost as bad as those of Hell.

Cas turns to face Sam, looks at him for a long while. Sam keeps his head down.

“What was he like?” spoken softly, without inflection. Sam’s eyes snap up to Cas’ for a moment. The other man’s face is blank save for his eyes, which seem to be staring right through Sam.

“Shit, Cas. It’s not like— Why are you asking me about this? We—”

“I can’t have him,” not emotionless this time; Sam thinks he can hear a hint of sadness there, maybe regret. “I could have.” Sam frowns at that, but says nothing. He’s noticed - it was really hard not to - but he’s thought it was one-sided, which was why Castiel never acted on it. “I failed him, and he’s going to hate me for the rest of his life, and beyond, but…”

Castiel falls silent, presses his lips together. “Sam. Please. I want to know. I _need_ to.”

Sam sets his beer bottle on the floor and presses palms of his hands into his face. He wishes he hadn’t come here today after all. He and Dean could’ve handled that one alone. But Cas was already here, and they haven’t seen each other in five weeks. And he knows that Cas has no one else to talk to, and it’s not like Sam could call him with Dean around. He pities the man even though he too was screwed over by his actions. But then, Sam made mistakes, too. Mistakes that cost people lives. Innocent people. Friends.

And truth be told, it’s nice to meet up with someone who knows him and who isn’t his brother or Bobby. It’s nice to have a friend.

A friend who’s in love with his brother, just like Sam is. A friend who apparently wants to torture himself with _could-have-been_ s. And Sam doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel about the whole situation. It’s crazy, it’s fucked-up—

And it’s the first time he could talk about this with another person.

“Shit,” he mumbles again. He’s going to do this. It’s one of those once-in-a-lifetime chances, and he’s not going to waste it. “I don’t know, Cas. I don’t… I’m not sure if there are words that could… He’s—” _He worships you with everything he has, body and mind. He does everything you ask for, and more. He touches you as if he wanted to memorize every single cell of your skin, every mark, every scar. He ruins you for other people, he—_

“Sam.” The hand on his forearm startles him, makes him look up, and _God_.

“Can you show me?”


End file.
